


Ad astra per aspera

by PacifistRacoon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Blood, Clone Wars, Destiny, Even the main one, F/M, Fights, Forbidden Love, Leadership, Only mentions of ships, Reincarnation, Somatic death, StarClan (Warriors), ThunderClan (Warriors), Trust Issues, Warrior ancestors, Warriors AU, forest life, warriors - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9465437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PacifistRacoon/pseuds/PacifistRacoon
Summary: "I can state the fact that I’m not breathing without any shock. I stopped drawing the air in looking to his pain-, and meaningful blue-gray eyes, maybe my palpitation finished forever little later. I know that noticing that my body doesn’t work anymore and my somatic dead has already happened should frighten me, but I just find it weird. My consciensness should be blenching, but it’s not happening. "After she got impaled, Satine's spirit finds a new body to live in.





	1. Your old life is no more

  I can't see anything. I couldn't even say whether my eyes are open or not. To tell the truth non of my senses/sense-organs are working properly, altought I still can feel the burning pain on my stomach, where the monster impaled me. Coward. It seems like hours since I was able to tell him that I had always loved him and I always would and he whispered back the same.

I can't feel anything under my body so I'm not able to realize where I am. I could even be on an operating table or on a ravatal. Probably my body is preparing to be ready to turn to death tenseness, and my back and torso have already paralyzed. I’ve always tought that impaled wounds brought fast death and now I wish it was true. I would rather chose that instead of slowly losing my control of the parts of my body.

Biology was never been a part of the royalty training, so I don’t know exactly what is coming off in a moribund’s body and conscience and how this two thing are connected. According to my knowledge brain death should supervene maximum 20 minutes after the psychicial death.

I can state the fact that I’m not breathing without any shock. I stopped drawing the air in looking to his pain-, and meaningful blue-gray eyes, maybe my palpitation finished forever little later. I know that noticing that my body doesn’t work anymore and my somatic dead has already happened should frighten me, but I just find it weird. My consciensness should be blenching, but it’s not happening. My brain is still as „awake” as it was in the morning or a day, or a year before my dispatch. I could say what type of clothes I was wearing, I could localize and describe the mortal wound in Vizsla’s body which caused his death I even could tell the type of the blaster I first shot with. Will he have a funeral? Will I? If the pain will keep in my body, how hardly will I suffer, when they burn my body? Throwing my body into the water would be a benefit for me.

In this point I could think over my life and call back my memories: the best and the worst ones equally, but I refuse to. I don’t want to see two innocent children with blonde and brown hair playing and laughing in a children’s room before the throne and their ideals pulled them apart. I don’t want to rewatch every moment I had with him. With every memory I would be reminded again and again that I won’t revive any of them, that I lost everything. Maybe I lost them before the attack. Firstly my sister after I had declared my plans. Then my counselor and „friend”. I’m one of the Mandalorians who don’t believe in otherworld. There’s no Heaven or Hell you have only one life and you can’t hope that you will be able to correct your mistakes in a next one.

If somebody had said me 18 years ago that my ideals would cost my life, I know I would had never recoiled. That’s not bravery, if I had been brave I would have had enough courage to ask him to stay.  I’ve always been trying to persuade myself that I made that kind of decision, because I saw my people’s needs above mines and I wanted to make sure nothing and nobody will distract me from perfoming my duty. Duty is more important than feelings and it will always be. I made sure he would follow the path which had been marked for him. I wanted both of us to be safe and sound. Well, considering the situation, I made a completely terrible choice. All these reasons are real and they had an enormous role, but I also had a different reason.

Love is weird. I trust him, of course I do, he is one of the few people I would totally commit with my life. But I also trusted the soldiers who had vowed to protect me at all cost. A significant point of my life was being betrayed again and again. Of course there is difference, but I was afraid. In my head there was a chance that one day he would say that „I literally gave up everything for you. Now I can see you weren’t worth it.” and would walk out of my life. He would have plenty of places to go to. Every organization would kill to have a member like him. Many of my so called friends decided to turn against me and join Death Watch, I had to go throught this again and again and I was always able to stand against them.

But what if his eyes „opened” and watching me being in charge made him do what many people had done before him? I could believe that in this case he would have left me without viciousness. He is partly an idealist, he is trying to deny and disguise it, but he fails. At least before me. Would he have stayed with me, if he had been certain that my politics was wicked? Would his love have been strong enough to fight in my side against thesect, which stood for the values he secretly admired? I’m sure those people would have taken the opportunity to use him against me, the one I could never fight against.

If I had had courage, I would have been able to put aside my fears, but after being betrayed and tortured it’s almost impossible to trust anybody completely. He pulled me back from a state that almost destroyed me from the inside. It was stronger than any weapon: mistrust. I was thankful for him for everything he did, but I didn’t fall in love with him because of that. Or at least this wasn’t the only reason.

For a long time this is the first time I feel safe and relaxed. I could count on my one hand the times I experienced it. I still feel a little pain around the wound, but it’s fading away. Then it vanishes without any trace.

It’s my time.

I try to open my mounth for a last respiration, although I’m aware that I’ve lost my control over my body long ago.

I’m not afraid of death.

I wouldn’t change my decisions.

I’ve finally got the peace I wanted. It sorrouns me like a cold breeze in an autumn day.

If I could, I would smile.

 

_Your old life is no more._

I am no more.

_Are you ready?_

I’m quite sure that I’m hallucinating. Despite of my firm belief, I do my best to identify the owner of the voice. It isn’t clear, sometimes gruff, sometimes soft, like more people was talking together.

There is an old omen, which claims that in the moment of your death, your warrior ancestors judge you and help the bravest and bloodthistiest ones in their ascension. According to this they will lacerate me in less than a moment.

But it’s not real, just the last stage of braindeath.

 

The skin in my neck starts itching and I raise my arm to scratch it without thinking. Thereafter I freeze. I’ve felt the irritation in my neck, moreover I’ve been able to move my arm to stop it!

In the next moment a burning and unbearable pain, like a vivid fire overwhelms my body. I’ve never had such a torture before. I scream and cry out of terror, without giving a simple interest for anything. Suddenly I have a full connection with my body again, my palms become tacky from the spot my nails are searing to the skin. In my entire life there was only two situation I could compare to this, but they could never reach this level. Both was rather mental, than somatic. When I saw my sister leading the crew and when I was certain about that my beloved had died for two days. But I had enough strengh to put them down. It doesn’t work now.

Roughly 5 minutes later the torture stops without any antecedent. I am panting for breath, my sense-organs are working again. My eyes are closed, but I can feel a waft, which should cause shiver all around my body, but a soft material, like a fur coat, covers it. I can detect different scents in the air: the fresh and moist ground, growing grass and something mixed, I can’t recognize. Finally I dare to open my eyes.  The first thing I can see is the sky without any stars, but my sorrounding is clearly visible: all of the light is coming from behind me. Prepared for the pain, I scramble myself into a sitting position, but the only thing I feel is vividness.

As I look around, I notice that I’m sittinig in meadow, the wind is tamed by four big oak tree. I want to stand up and approach them, maybe if I climb one of them I will see the environment around me and find out where I am. But the trying fails miserably as I fall by to the ground after some seconds.

I hear a low giggle behind me.

„Well, welcome, Bluefur.”

I turn around as fast as I could and I find myself being stared by amber, blue and green coloured pairs of eyes.

Not human eyes.

But cat eyes.


	2. Let the ceremony begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cats are badass.

The protest and questions are stuck in my throat. They don’t seem like usual cats. The one, who sits next to me is everything, but a pet. Its face shoves wildness and determination, his torn right ear and muscles which appear under its bright, ginger fur imply a difficult life. This cat looks like a warrior.

„Bluefur”- They repeat themself, this name is echoing around me. Bluefur, Bluefur, Bluefur. They are waiting for me to respond them, but I can’t. This is not my name. I’m a human, I shouldn’t even be able to understand them! On the other hands, these cats deserve to know that they are wrong.

„Listen.”- I say slowly. An enormous part of me is certain that they don’t understand me. „You’ve made a mistake. I’m not the right person.”

For a moment, they just watch me with pure interest.

„You think, StarClan is wrong?” I just notice that no one cat’s mounth is moving, when they talk to me. Their voice contains disapproval and disbelief and something else. I can’t explain what, but it’s a common thing between us. The tone, which every royalty has, it’s made from pride, strenght and superiority. These cats may be leaders. _Gods_. I am not in the position to argue with them.

„No. But you’ve chosen the wrong person.”

„Are you sure about that, Bluefur?” I want to scream. _I’m not Bluefur!_ „Just look at yourself.”

I let a little hiss out and start to examine my feet and I hardly retain a scream. Now I’m entirely aware why I wasn’t able to stand up previously. I have paws, covered by blue-grey fur. I lift one of them and slowly place it to the top of my head and touch my ears and whiskers a little lower. Nothing is human on me anymore. I’m trapped in a animal’s body.

The ginger cat choose the wrong moment to speak up.

„Let the ceremony begin.”

A dark, brown tabby pads out of the crew, he quickly passes by the ginger cat, who is possibly their leader and stop in front of me. I don’t need to hear any voice to know this cat’s a tom.  Before I could do anything, he touches his nose to my head.

„With this life, I give you courage” He murmurs, his face doesn’t show any emotion. „Use it well in leading your clan into battle and defending it from attacks.” As he finishes his sentence a bolt of energy sears through me filling my senses with a deafening roar. I can feel the overwhelming power of battles and the pain of injuries, but the pain is frightening in a different way than the prior was. When I open my eyes the brown tabby is already moving back to his place. I shake my head, but no one is paying attention. He said „lead your clan into battle”, which makes me clear that Bluefur is expected to be a completely different person. More Bo-Katan, less me. But he also mention the defense of the clan and although I don’t know exactly what it does include and why it is called a clan, I know the fact that I was always ready to defend my people from any threat and I still am.

A light touch in my head cuts me out of my speculations. A sandy grey tom is standing in front of me, the opposite of the brown cat. His green eyes reflects proud and symphaty, but it doesn’t set me at ease. I’ve seen too many people pretending that. A small grief clouds my mind as I think of my counselor. _My friend._ But these cats are different, they are not vulnerable, they are not mortals-they are gods. They could tear me apart, torture me, but they have another plan. So I look the tom’s bright eyes as he announces:

„With this life, I give you loyalty. Use it well to guide your Clan in times in needs and trouble.”

I beware myself to another pain, but instead of it a warm glow goes throught my body. It’s actually pretty good and I can’t help but smile, which is clothed in a small purr.

A snowy white she-cat with grey tipped ears is bacisally running to take up his post. Her purr is so loud, I’m really confused how she can do the both thing in the same time.

„Sister, I’m so proud of you!” Her words hit me harder than any punch and it makes me a little time to recognize that she’s Bluefur’s sister, not mine. She doesn’t thirst for my blood, she doesn’t want to destroy everything I’ve built.

_She doesn’t want to hurt you._

She touch her nose to my head lenghtening the moment as long as it is possible.

„With this life I give you curiosity. Remember, there is so many thing to explore as well as a leader.”

The sensation which follows her words is bracing and brings the aim to run throught forests, climbing mountains, jumping across rocks and draw every smell of the nature.

She gives me one more little purr then heads back to the crew, next to a sleek, grey and white tabby tom and licks his shoulder, then jogs him a little. A little shiver goes through my spine as he touches his nose to my head. His face is straight, no one of his members reflects nervousness or pressure, but I still can recognize his hostility towards me.

„With this life I give your justice. Use it well to judge all your clanmates fairly.” I don’t have time to analyse how he put a tone to the word „all”, because after his words another agonizing spasm takes over my body, I have to bit my mouth to avoid to scream. He doesn’t wait for my answer, just pads back to Bluefur’s sister. I can’t disregard the look they share or the purr she gives him.

The next cat is a raven-black she-cat. Her steps are energetic, she holds her head high and her eyes show confidence and pridefulness. She quickly touch her nose to my head.

„With this life, I give you determination. Determination to follow the Warriors code and work out your plans.”

The following pain is mixed with strenght and preparedness. These two are the most necessary virtues of a leader, if one is missing your chances are significantly lower to complete. The spasm brings a memory about me standing in my room before my first announcement. Pure determination effaced every doubts, because I knew what I did was right. It has never gone away, but I’ve not felt it so strong for a long time. Until now.

A reddish-brown tom with green eyes and broad face takes her place.

„With this life, I give you patience. Rushing won’t certainly bring succees.”

The pain now is rather suggests a torpidness, not a punch. It doesn’t shut my brain off, doesn’t make me think I’m going to die, but it seems to take longer than its progenitors.

A grey, tabby tom emerges from the crowd, his eyes are full with wisdom and understanding. He does the same movement as the cats before him.

„With this life, I give you trust. Never loose it against your Clanmates, they are the only ones you can trust. No one battle can be won with a doubtful heart.”

„I lost it long before.”

The air literally frozes in the meadow and I realize that I just said those words loudly.

„Thunderclan does not deserve these words, Bluefur.”

The only thought I have while another pain tenses my whole body that is Bluefur got an enormous lucky with Thunderclan.

„My daughter” A silver gray she-cat with yellow eyes murmurs with love and patience. She is talking to me like I was a toddler, who needs to relax and somewhere it make me easier to catch another cats’ eyes in the pack. I try to catch the grey tabby tom sight, but he has already disappeared.

„Snowfur has already told you everything I feel in a shorter time I could have ever expected.” Her eyes are twinkling with amusement as she blinks to the white she-cat. The one, who carried that high amount of energy. The one who called me „sister”. Her name is Snowfur.

The silver she cat continues speaking, but I’m not paying attention, all I do is enjoying her motherly love. I would have never admitted it, but I missed that. She says something about compassion and I’m not prepared to bear the following pain. It’s a pang of anguish so great, that for a couple of minutes I’m sure it will stop my heart, but then it fades away.

As a settling, the ginger tom approaches me.

„Welcome, Bluefur, my apprentice, my warrior and my deputy. I always knew I had picked the good cat.” He touches me with his nose and goes on. „With this life I give you wisdom and faith. Use them well when you’re facing hard choices.”

The agony shooks me, but brings up memories. Not mine. This cat became deputy before me, then leader, but his fulfillment wasn’t full. _Eight lives._

A long sight passes throught the meadow. All the cats rise to their paws and I follow their movement. From a tiny nod of the ginger tom, I know I did right. I realize that even in four paws this is the first time I stand.

„I hail you by your new name, Bluestar.” He announces. „Your old life is no more. You have now received the nine lives of a leader, and StarClan grants you the guardianship of ThunderClan. Defend it well, care for young and old, honor your ancestors and the tradition of the warrior code, live each life with pride and dignity.”

All the other cats are echoing the name _Bluestar_.

The tom breaks the ovation just with the gleam of his eyes and behind him every cat start vanishing. Snowfur and Bluefur’s mother give me a last nod, their faces are glimmering with pride. Part of me wants to run after them and tell them the truth, that their kin is not here, but I they’re already fading away.  I couldn’t be able to tell them where Bluefur-now Bluestar is and I know it would break them. They seemed so happy to see her, there is no chance I would destroy that for them.

„StarClan’s decisions are made with wisdom, don’t doubt that.” He takes a break before  telling the name. I catch his sight waiting to finish his sentence and recognition hits me. _He knows._

„Then…why?” My voice is not louder than a whisper.

„Your fade has been written. Don’t get yourself to barren roads. Go and see Featherwhisker.”


End file.
